Tuesday, February 01, 2005

A Suicide Note

So many times I've imagined myself committing suicide, sometimes because of depression and sometimes just for the fun of it. Whatever it was, it was just a thought that for sure wasn't gonna happen. I just can't imagine the world without me :P and I don't wanna go to hell that easy! If I am to go to hell, I guess I will have to earn that. Anyway, before two days I had these suicidal thoughts again and I think it was just funny thoughts. So I thought how would a poet gonna write his suicide note? In a poem of course!

Here is what I came up with. I called it "A Suicide Note".

Here to whom it may concern
I am sorry but nothing more that I can do
I've decided to end my life today
And I only have this to say to you

It's not because I can't live without you
It's just that I don't love myself anymore
And it doesn't matter that I'll be going to hell
'Cause I've tasted your hell once before

Now I'm drowning and it's getting harder to breathe
Even in that moment I can't stop thinking of you
It won't be long until I reach the very deep
So god help me to make it through

So before that I gasp my very last breath
And the color of my body turns to blue
Pray for my soul to be taken away with ease
And I'll be waiting until your time is due

21 comments:

Flamingoliya said...

ouch, et3awwir el galb. i liked it.
i wrote my will once, actually it was a few months back but not suicidal of course :p showed it to mom hoping she'd understand. once she read the first few lines and realized what i was talking about hoping she'd feel sorry for me and hug me :p she just gave me back the paper saying :" sheno hatha! wakhray 3anni!" that's when i felt suicidal! :p

Hopeless Poet said...

thanx for passing by and reading the poem ..o salamat galbich :)
sorry that ur mom didn’t buy the will trick :p
but I am interested in what u have written in ur will? Share with us, maybe it will give me some ideas for my next dark poem :p

Vintage said...

tsk tsk tsk.... sad poem,

the nearest i ever got to suicide was when i started to ask: why are you doing this to me god? i find it hard to believe you're witnessing this and doing nothing?

oh my.. that was just tooo extreme, no wazi3 in my saying, esta'3farallah.. the suicide reason didnt go, but im not feeling of letting go of life.. just bcz i dont wanna go to hell.. earn or no earn .
im still thinking about that master no master... thanx

Flamingoliya said...

No, thank you for posting your dark poem :p
Mine wasn’t a poem. I’m not sure if I still have it or not. Will see.

Aquamarine said...

Why would you wanna commit suicide? Due to depression.. that’s understandable. But for the fun of it? :P What’s soo fun in ending your own life.. if I may ask? And one more thing. While imagining a suicidal attempt, what ideas did you have? Were you gonna hang urself? Slit ur wrist? Consume some fatal drugs? Drive ur car off of a bridge? Stick an knife in ur heart? Take some poison? How? When I was in high school, this guy committed suicide. His sister walked into his room one day and found he hung himself! Imagine?

Oh, and btw.. nice “dark” poem! ;)

Hopeless Poet said...

Vintage:

About suicide and hell .. I just said earn it cos I wanted to sound funny :p
I guess we all ask “why god, why r u doing this is to me?” when things go wrong or when we lose someone near but what makes us different than those who commit suicide and give up easily on life is FAITH .. we have faith in god and we believe that one day we will get repaid by him. So have faith and inshallah u will be happy and sooner or later u will get ur masters :)

Flamingoliya:

U r more that welcome :p
I know it was not a poem .. u just post it and I will TRY to make it a poem :p

Aquamarine:

First of all thanx for reading and commenting :)

I don’t wanna commit suicide! In the post I said thinking of it .. I said that I think of it when I am depressed or think of it cos it is fun to think of it not fun to commit it :p
Does it sound weird? :p
About the way of the suicide attempt, did u read the poem til the end? I said I am drowning, so el rawsha rock in Lebanon sounds like a nice place :p
That was in the poem .. but personally I prefer to swallow so many sleeping pills and die in my sleep cos I think I will feel less pain. Maybe I am wrong, maybe I will have this unbearable pain in my stomach before I die :p
Sorry about that guy.I don’t think I wanna be in the sister place, never! I hope that she does not see nightmares cos of that.

Aquamarine said...

In psychology class last semester, my professor said that it was a statistical fact that more men attempt to commit suicide than women, but more women tend to succeed. That’s because men choose more “violent” means, such as hanging themselves and what not, that are not necessarily guaranteed . Women, on the other hand, choose more “reliable” ways, such as slitting their wrist while having a moment of relaxation in the bath tub. Therefore their death is “mathmoon” and peaceful, assuming no one walks in the door and rushes her to the hospital! :)

And yes, I agree that it’s kinda interesting, and fun in a weird way, to think that “thinking” of committing suicide is fun! :P

minime said...

Here is my recommendation, I did it many times & never worked but had the time of my life doing it, its expensive, but hey, you live once..no? see if it works for you..:-P

1. Buy a kawasaki motorcycle 1000+ engine size (must be a 1K size or more, preferably more)
2. put your leather jacket, boots, gloves, scarf & helmet on.
3. go to one of them remote open roads.
4. Stop. Make sure the road is empty, Engage 1st Gear, Take a deep breath……..Then open the throttle as wide as it goes & enjoy your (possibly) last moments of adrenalin rush & heart pounding.
There is no guarantee that it will kill you, if it fails then you've lived an experience you'll always yearn for repeating, but if you crash, you'll be in such a state, even 3izraeel would be too disgusted to pick your remains. So it'll be pain free... he he :-P

Note: Try not to crash too soon, make it to at least 270 km/h… when the road marks begin to wiggle & zoom pass you like you're playing a computer game… man , I am getting excited just writing about it..:-P

P.S. you poem is nice, but I hate the fact inni ma a3ref much bil shi3r :-(

Anonymous said...

Kind of sounds like lyrics to a cliche Metallica song. You know, not the good stuff like on 'Master of Puppets', but the crappy stuff, like on the 'Black Album' and beyond...

Farooha said...

anonymous,
I liked it very much as a poem.. but then again I don't know much about Metallica.

As for you Hopeless,
Ya sater, what's gotten into you? If what anonymous says is true, someone's getting a little too much Metallica.

Regardless, great poem!

Hopeless Poet said...

Brachypelma:

Hey! Thanx buddy for reading and commenting :)
But since u r too eager to see me dead, why don’t u pay for all the expenses? :p
What if I crashed and survived? I don’t wanna live the rest of my life on a hospital bed!
My idea of suicide is much better than urs … I die in 1 piece and get buried in 1 piece :p
About el she3r, before 4 years I was totally not interested in it and I never imagined myself writing anything! Even reading it was out of the question, but then I don’t know what happened and I started writing, stopped for a while, and then I returned in 2004.

Anonymous:

The only songs I liked for Metallica were the songs on that album.
Thanx for commenting whomever u r :)

Farooha:

Thank u very much :)
And nothing has gotten into me, I am still normal and I don’t wanna kill myself. And no I don’t listen to Metallica or buy their albums. I just listen to their songs on the radio!!

Vintage said...

oh my hopeless.. get this over with : HES NOT GONNA COMMIT SUICIDE... phewhhh...

as for that motorcycle idea one of ur brachypelma mentioned.. it reminded me of a story: a guy and a girl in a motorcycle ,he was speeding like hell.. she asked him to slow down , he said on the condition u wear my helmet.. and safety gear, so she did.. and then they crashed.. he died she survived.. the break was not working thats why he couldnt slow down.

Hopeless Poet said...

Vintage,
Oh yeah I am not gonna do it :p

And yeah I remember that story too, it reminds me of myself in one of my previous lives when I sacrificed myself for the girl I love :p
But I found that this story way too much to digest, ok the breaks r not working why did he had to crash on a wall or something? Why didn’t he continue to drive till he reaches some sandy area and let the bike roll over in the sand? Both of them would have a good chance to survive, but I guess he wanted to be a legend and go in history books :p

minime said...

la poet..
salamat 3omrek min (KILL) sharr okhoy.
I was very much kidding on the (bike) trip to eternity.
But the ride is exhilarating nevertheless.
Never recommend it unless you gain real control over your bike. Otherwise, for a novice to get on a bike & hit that speed is no russian roulette anymore, its a fully loaded pistol.

Vintage bud,
One's head needs only to hit the tarmac at a ridiculous speed of 15 km/h to crack open. 15.
Wearing a helmet would only work up to 80 to 100. Speeds of 120 onwards, then the helmet is just there to protecting eyes & face from wind & debris, for falling then means that one should mutter the following on one's way down:

bye bye high chair
bye bye straps
bye bye crumbs
upon my laps
bye bye yucky bib and tray
bye bye all of you today

how does this grab you poet, see, there is a Shakespeare in me & you never noticed :-P

Vintage said...

and i thought that was romantic.. you took the romance out !! :(

brachypelma.. shakespeare who?? :P

Hopeless Poet said...

Brachypelma:

Allah ysalmk
O yalla unleash the poetry beast inside u :p it seems that 3endk mawaheb bs hidden ;)

Vintage:

It is still romantic, maybe they were in a city with no sand around :p
and as for the helmet, maybe it was made from super materials :p

Hope said...

why does ur poem sound like Eminem?

Hope said...

oooooh guess what. Im starting to use my blog!..finally EH?

Hopeless Poet said...

Hope! u r insulting me by saying it sounds like eminem!
i can accept it being compared to metallica but that rapper? i prefer to kill myself really than to be compared or have my poems compared to such person!

oh yeah? finally! i will check and see :D

Hope said...

loooooooool..im so sorry Hopeless, but Hope does not like to hear about suicide. Suicide to Hope is like the end of Hope, which means it is the end of me. Life with no hope, is no life. we live to hope and by just doing that, life is beautiful.

Najah said...

It's not because I can't live without you
It's just that I don't love myself anymore
And it doesn't matter that I'll be going to hell
'Cause I've tasted your hell once before

Now I'm drowning and it's getting harder to breathe
Even in that moment I can't stop thinking of you
It won't be long until I reach the very deep
So god help me to make it through
--------
Wonderful poem, and you chose the words creativly mashallah!